Passions of an Odd Chick

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Fresh Flowers?

I finished my amaryllis. I'm trying to paint fresh. Without fear. Trust my instincts. I don't want to do ho-hum, flowers. (i'm not sure I even like flower paintings??) Believe that what is inside my head is good enough to put on paper. To make it dark, darker, darker but then, keep the whites and lights... and make sure your corners are different and your center of interest is actually your center of interest, keep things directly out of the center, etc. etc....

Oh heck, finally I just enjoyed it and painted it like no one cared but me.

I ran into a friend today. She has been feeling really bad. She said, "have you ever had a panic attack? It feels like your insides are shaking". OMG ....I felt so so bad for her. That must be horrible. I've never been that anxious... yet.

Fear and anxiety. Why do we feel so much fear about living our lives, painting our canvas? Are our rules too restrictive? Our standards too high? Do we worry about what other people will think too much? Why are our insides shaking???

I have all the colors, paper, and tools I need to make a good painting and to enjoy my life. With more time and more practice, someday... you'll see... I'll cross over that mountain in front of me.... but I realize that I have to travel with Fear, Anxiety, Discouragement. I have to make them my friend. They can't hold me back, they won't keep me still, they won't even slow me down . I"M HIKIN THIS HILL. They can walk with me but I set the boundaries on what they will do with me on this journey.

The heart breaks and breaks

and lives by breaking.

It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark

and not to turn from the Testing Tree. by Stan Kimitz


If you hear a voice within you say, "You cannot paint". Then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. Vincent Van Gogh.

I wonder if it would help my friend to paint??


Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

Amen, sister. I had to decide a long time ago whether to write the fiction I feel compelled to write or to try to write what "they" say is marketable. I write my own books because if it doesn't satisfy the reason I write, why bother?

BTW, I love that painting. The flower is so bold, so saturated. And the blue stripes going in different directions add tension. At least, to this untrained eye.

If your friend isn't into painting, journaling might also help.

linda said...

I love your red flower painting! it pops out and says here I am!

I did not start to paint until AFTER my breakdown! It's as if by becoming that vulnerable, I was able to touch my artistic soul and it spoke only to me. I was blessed by a doctor who believed completely in me and encouraged and insisted I paint my feelings, even if they were ugly. I am thinking about your friend and her panic. She needs to take that OUT of herself and put it somewhere, whether painting, journaling, gardening, whatever...somehow, that energy must be transformed into something she can relate to on the heart level and provide movement from the stuck place of panic she feels within.

So yes, offer her a paintbrush!

simplyred said...

Wow! This red amaryllis just jumps off the page. I love it!! And the joy you had in painting it shows through so beautifully. It is truly spectacular and not at all a "ho-hum flower". You have a real talent, and I'm enjoying watching it develop.

Gypsy Gold Studio

Kimmie said...

This is breathtaking! I am noticing that you have an ability to take something easily overlooked - and make us look with fresh purpose.

p.s. I've given you a BFF Gold Card on my blog - I'm so happy to have you for a "Blogging Friend!" ;)