Please tell me you've done this before.
I was invited by a wonderful lady and friend to bring my art to hang and to sell in our local Starbucks. Yeah!! More about that story later. But anyway, I was the most agile there so I was helping to hang pictures when an older gentleman walked in that I barely know but admire as he is a community organizer for our local runs for charities. He is very tall and he offered to hang some of the harder to reach paintings for us. One of the gracious older women I was with said, "my husband is tall and it is so nice and he is so handy". Well, I wanted to say the same thing.. but I had to say something different.. so I said, "my husband is tall too, and I love it and you know what they say, ONCE YOU GO TALL, YOU NEVER GO SMALL". (now "they" do not say that! where did i get that I'm thinking, as I realize the sexual connotations, but it slips by with barely a notice and I hope no one is thinking in the gutter because I actually wasn't there this time....) But, I lean forward to help the guy because he's having trouble catching the wire on the nail and I had several choices: I could have said "have you got it?", or "is it hung yet", but it came out, "ARE YOU HUNG YET?" (What!!!!, i'm screaming to myself, knowing full well, no one would be crass twice without meaning it..). Thankfully, the sweet ladies beside me did not hear this- but the nice gentleman, with his back still to me, said, "you're just full of little quips", and I said weakly, "yeah, and I'm not even meaning to". (please believe me)... oh my. .. Now I wouldn't lead you to believe I'm above lewd comments because I've made my share but usually I've had a few too many beers and can blame it on the alcohol. But I was raised to be a lady and that's my goal for the most part. But incredibly as he goes to leave, and I muster as much graciousness as I can to redeem what is left of my character, I say, "thank you, YOU CAME RIGHT AT THE RIGHT TIME". When he raised his left eyebrow, I just gently turned him around with my hand and lead him toward the door. It was the only way I was going to stop embarrassing myself.
I sat down and said, "I need a drink", and then I remembered we were in a coffee shop, but this time, I REALLY meant something different!