It's getting harder and harder to come up with fresh ideas that really excite me enough to want to paint. She's #7. Did I really say that I was going to do about 20????

No. 6 took some hits. You all are so kind here on my blog. But Facebook has brought out some negative comments, some honest, some mean...it really makes you question yourself. And at the same time, the negative comments are just as helpful as the nice ones.

I know this is not serious art- fine art- and I don't expect it to be taken too seriously or everyone to get IT.

For me, these are like (not anywhere close in talent of course) Rosie the Riveter - that great portrait that inspired women during WWII.

Women have always needed these.

I need this one today.

For one thing, I have to accept that if I stick my stuff out there for the "real" public- that it's going to take some punches. It's ridiculous to think everyone will like it.

Some will even hate it, make fun of it, disrespect it.

It will be hard not to take it personally.

But I know who I am.

My value does not come from my art.

It comes from the One who gave me my creative spirit.

If I don't try, I will have to answer to Him.

In the end, it's just between me and Him anyway.

I gave in.

I have no idea who she is or where she came from. All I know is that this is getting harder, not easier as I expected. She is the 6th in a series.

She had a story to tell, and would not leave me alone until I told it her way.

She was suppose to be Asian, a soft portrait with green and purple, with maybe some leaves and bamboo.

But she would not have it.

I went to bed last night feeling like I had been in an intense argument with a loved one. Unpeaceful. Agitated.

And there she was this morning. Still being stubborn. I didn't want to mess with her so I went for walk, picked some green beans from the garden, paid some bills. 

When I came back, I picked up my big brush (I remembered that when you feel frustrated, your brush is probably too small).

I began to sling some white paint at her to cover her up and then her crown and veil began to appear. She hated the green so I covered it up.

Are you predominantly warm or cool? Geez.

She finally got her way, and in the end I like her better than I did when we started.

And we are friends again... now that I don't care who she is or where she came from.

I know it sounds a little psychophrenic. But this is the way my right brain and left brain wars with itself- until I give in to the process. It's beginning to be a real wrestling match, tortuous as I get further into this. You would think I would figure out a way to give in sooner. I'm expecting more from myself with each stroke.  I hope you're seeing more.

Fly Baby Fly

5th one! I wish you could see this up close - she has globs of texture on her because I painted mostly with my hands in big ole pools of paint -so luxurious!


My hat goes off to these girls who make a living doing their art. It is SO HARD to stay in the process and not get caught up in the paint-for-sale mode. I want each of these women's faces to have strength and presence, and a piece of my heart and it is JOYOUS LABOR, my friend.

Sweet Farmer reminded me last night that I can still go to Italy, whether I sell any paintings or not but I told him that it's not the same- that I want my art to fly me to Italy. He just looks at me quizzically and I love that clueless, albeit a little sad-puppy-dog look that says-"why is she driving herself crazy when I just want to give her time to paint because she loves it and it makes her so friggin happy, and I can take care of the rest". He actually said that last night in so many words. Ahhhhh. I do love him for it but I truly think that promoting this art will strengthen me and give me presence and increase my heart capacity- do you see a theme growing here??

It is already working something different in me.

Thanks to those who encouraged me to make cards. I think I will. OMG ooodnesssss.

Tell me if you think I'm beginning to slip. PLEASE. Sometimes, just a little suggestion/critique, like, "I would move the words down and to the right" can really, really help. (thank you Tinnie Girl, check her out- fabulous art)!


I love hearing those comments about favorites. (Thanks Buffy for choosing "Nobody's Fool". No one had picked her as a favorite and so far, she's mine too) It helps me know what is universally pleasing.

AWAKE... and still moving forward.

Still working. 16 more to go. (Read about my plan here.) Scary, but exciting little path I'm taking, I must say. Thank you all for your honest encouragement.

Once I get about 8-1o finished, I would like to present them to the owner of this gallery setting option that I have in mind to see when and if he would consider them. (I have a very close friend who works in this shop who has encouraged me to do this- a foot-in-the-door as some would say.)

I'm not sure if I should make a notebook/portfolio of prints to show him or show him the originals. Should I show them to him framed or just professionally matted? They are all about 11X14. I think I should matt them all the same, that they will have some kind of collective impact- whatever that means!

Does anyone out there have experience with this and would you be willing to share some tips? I would love to take Kelly Rae's Flying Lessons. And I still may because I think I'm ready. But I really want any profit I might make to go toward my trip to Italy. I know, I know - sometimes you have to spend money to make money.

You would think I wouldn't be so clueless about this as many artist as I follow in this blog world. But I can't remember anyone ever talking about their presentation/ getting-yourself-in-the-gallery-stuff.


Do you have a favorite so far? It's always fun to see what's most appealing to others.

Passion and Pain of Frida

This is my rendition of Frida Khalo. She was a strong woman who had great passion, yet lived with great pain so I didn't want a smiling portrait. She was strangely exotic with her dark eyebrows that went clear across her forehead and some photos (and even her own self portraits) show a slight mustache above her lip. She had a turbulent, but passionate love affair with her husband, Diego.

I'm not sure why, but I've always been fascinated with her and I've done her several times, and never been quite pleased, including this one. It seems as soon as I told you about my plan, I began to freeze up and have been barely able to draw or paint and nothing has flowed. But I'm going to act like a real artist and suck it up and keep working through it.

Only 17 more to go in case you didn't read about my plan, you can read it here.

I cried when I read all of your comments. You can't imagine what your support means as I'm fairly isolated and have no one besides Sweet Farmer to bounce these off of- and he doesn't like portraits with big eyes or words. So thank you!!

Reclaim Yourself

I have a secret wish -but I'm going to share it with you even though it scares me just to type it out to the universe.

My plan:

To make about 20 of these girl portraits to encourage women to be strong in their lives and to value themselves.

Then, I want to have a little show at a darling little gift shop here that does that sometimes for new artist.

If I sell them, I will add it to a long-time dream to TRAVEL to Italy in October of 2011 and take my mom and daughter or at least help them go.

If I don't, I will pay for a booth at our art gallery in hopes of selling them.

If they don't sell there, I will give them away for a silent auction for our food pantry in our little community, of which I'm on the Board.

I will make prints and maybe calenders for friends and family.

I cannot fail with this plan. I cannot fail with this plan....

I keep telling myself I must value my art enough to promote it and sell it.

Now that you share my secret wish maybe somehow it will make it grow.

What is your secret wish?

(This is a mixed-media piece with acrylic and watercolor pencils and charcoal. What you're looking at is actually a 8 X 10 print, rather than the original.)

A Girl With Attitude

I'm LEARNING. I AM.
It feels so good to see some progress.

• I'm learning how to blend my acrylics! THIS IS HUGE PEOPLE!! I'm so happy about that!
• I'm learning that I can use good paper to paint on and not just canvas and that they don't take up so much room (under the bed) and it reminds me of my journal which feels very comfortable.
• I'm learning to let my attitude show- that it is okay that I'm not SWEET, like some people I envy- that I have a EDGE-y-ness and I can let it show in my art.
• I'm learning that if I can't get a desired affect with one medium, then I can with another. The world is MMMIIINE in art supplies MMMMAAAHHHH.
• I'm learning that I can make it any darn thing I want it to be and that I don't have to show it to anyone if I don't want to - that I paint until I like it- period.
• I'm learning to use my hands in the paint and to rub charcoal in for drama, but wipe it off for goodness sake on the end of your fingers before you go back into it!
• I'm learning that consistently working, leaving a mess in your kitchen, everyday, does produce results and you can still cook with half a counter.

You can't imagine how much your encouragement has spurred me on.

One thing to ask- I haven't actually painted the words in - I only digitally placed them to see if I like them (another lesson). I would really like your honest opinion about the left side of the painting. Any better ideas?

• OH, and I've learned to ask my friends when I get stumped.

Conviction

con.vic.tion :

1) the act of convicting

2) the state of being convinced: strong belief

One of my favorite authors, Oswald Chambers, said, "It is easy to be determined, and the curious thing is that the more small-minded a man is the more easily he makes up his mind. ..... The difference between an obstinate man and a strong-minded man lies just here: an obstinate man refuses to use his intelligence when a matter is in dispute, while a strong-minded man makes his decision after having deliberately looked at it from all standpoints, and when opposed, he is willing to give reasons for his decision."

I have had many strong convictions and beliefs. I have been a person of strong opinions and never afraid to share them. And I've lived long enough to see many of them shot down and left to die a slow, tortuous death.

I have learned that there are very, very few real convictions that are worth more than relationships.

We should chose our convictions very carefully.

and the hill we chose to die on.

Or in the end we can be become a convict of our convictions.

Can you stand a little cheesy romance?

Sometimes you get magical paintings and sometimes you get a magical day.

You know, one of those days when you are so freakin happy in the moment that you think you could cry.

But I didn't.

Because Sweet Farmer is still clueless and gets confused about a woman's tears other than when someone dies.

It started out with a hearty breakfast and a good movie in bed! YEh, no hay to cut, rake or bale.

Then we rode on the Harley through the Hondo Valley to the little historic town of Lincoln, New Mexico. Now the Hondo Valley is the place that inspired the likes of artists Peter Hurd and Henrietta Wyeth. We ate at the Laughing Sheep Farm which is tucked right outside the quaint little town. This eccentric little place grows most of their own organic food and I could see the tomato plants and most of my other salad veggies growing right outside the open screen window by our table. That hot pink thing you see on my plate was a quail egg marinated in sweet beet juice. I had fresh vegetable soup with quail meat and rice and a generous glass of pignot grigio. And I just basked in the sunlit room, with a guitar player singing old songs, and a big white Pyrenees dog named "Bear" sleeping in the foyer. Sweet Farmer asked me several times if I was having fun because he knew that it was sooo my kind of place - simple and romantic with natural foods and natural surroundings. I just smiled and ordered a sweet apple crisp with caramel coffee and SF practically had to pry me from my chair when it was time to go.

This little pond was right outside.

I lay down in the grass and rolled around like a fat cat on cream and looked over at my Sweet Farmer, and thanked the whole universe for giving me this million-dollar-day.

And then he took me to my favorite art gallery in Lincoln.

And on the way home on the back of the motorcycle, I did cry a little when I thought about how happy I am, but the wind blew the tears away - swift and efficiently, and all Sweet Farmer knew was that I squeezed him a little tighter around his middle as we rode back down the valley and I could see him smile in the wing mirror.

It's one thing to create a great painting in a life-time, it's another thing to live within it.

It's cheesy- but that's how I feel today- thank you.

Animals Gone Wild

Thank you all for your encouragement regarding my last little odd painting. Nothing quite as magical as that has happened again even though I've tried to re-create that mystical experience, but it did spur a highly-creative period for me. I'm trying to enjoy different color palettes and techniques and continue to be loosey-goosey in my expectations and let things happen as they may.

Remember these fun little images. Well, I followed through and made some cards out of them and tried new techniques that included sewing and collaging.

So much fun!!

There is no way to fail using these messy and shabby chic ideas.

And I'll leave you with another little odd animal painting although it slightly resembles me and Sweet Farmer on a Sunday afternoon. We feel like snuggly, big, lazy blobs sometimes.

A quick thank-you to Kre8iveLife
for a sweet blog award. I don't really like the crazy roundy-rounds of blog awards but I do TRULY appreciate it when you think of me. I loved looking at the other blog friends that she included in the award and you will too.

My list would include all those listed to the right of my blog and all my followers. They constantly inspire me everyday- and that's the honest truth.

5 things I love:

walking on the farm

hearing my son sing

watching my daughter sew

blueberries

my kitchen bar messy with art supplies