Passions of an Odd Chick

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Story About Being Sheltered

(Forgive me Aunt Freda)

I got a brazillian wax.

As she ripped the sticky tape off, I said, "What the f*@%, holy s@#%, ^#$@!! (Those are not cuss words. They were the unintelligible verbiage that came spewing out of my mouth along with some spastic sign language I was making with my hands and feet in the air).

I don't know why I did it. I guess I felt pressure from some woman's magazine. Like I'm the last woman left who hasn't done it or something. Or maybe it was the porn I happened upon one day, :)- and all those girls had done something interesting. And I just wanted to be more interesting.

So I ripped out virgin hair that I swear has been there since before I thought about not being one.

I told my bookclub. (well, I had to.. it was only hours later and I was cupping myself like a baseball player whose hand was super-glued to his crotch) And either wise, intelligent women don't do that kind of thing or they don't talk about it.

My husband just felt really sorry for me... and petted it like a baby bald chihuahua, and said the only thing interesting about it was why I would put myself through it in the first place.

I'm just telling you so that you won't fall for any crap. There's a reason why some things should be sheltered - they're vulnerable. OKAY. And some things should just be kept a mystery. Trust me.


linda said...

hahaha, that will teach you to be curious about what grown ups do! ;)

redchair said...

OMG - That's the funniest thing I've read in forever and a year. You poor brave baby girl!

I actually stopped and scrolled down to see if this was really our 'Odd Chick's' sweet little blog or maybe I'd landed in some unknown zone.

And contrare- I bet there was a bit French mixed into your reaction. Great story! You're too funny.

simplyred said...

I almost spit out my coffee laughing at this post! Too, too funny. I've never figured out why we women do some of the things we do. I mean, when was the last time you saw a man wear high heels (and cowboy boots don't count!). But I'll have to say, I'm glad it was you not me!! It sounds way too painful. And funny.


Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

All I can say is, OUCH.

cottonpicker said...

There's just some things your husband's sister doesn't need to know about! Ha!

Anonymous said...

Ya' live, ya' learn, and YOU'RE brave enough to share!!!!LOL

One of your tea infusers was part of a prize I gave away - the winner loved it and you can see a picture on my blog and hers!!! I have one more giveaway - don't forget to enter!!!
And, I'll be putting another order in soon...!

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

oh sister!!!!!! i'm not getting my carpet ripped up. NO WAY NO HOW!

just call me puff pants.

Anonymous said...

That is just too funny! I too was laughing out loud...but thanks for the is well taken.

I understand the worse is yet to come if you don't do the 'maintenance.'


Kimmie said...

ee's comment sounds ominous .... Where I live I don't even shave my legs but maybe 3 times a year .... one of those perks of living in Seattle ... I KNOW I'll never live in Brazil!

Anonymous said...

Hello! :)

Steve Emery said...

OW! I also wondered (like Vikki) if I was in the right place... This was a funny post. The bald chihuahua remark made me sputter the loudest.

And like ee I've heard the worst part is later, when it starts to grow back...

Pagan Sphinx said...

hehahhheaha...still chortling about the bald chihuaha comment.

I'm so glad you came by my blog. Thank you for kind comments. I hope you come back again. I'll certainly want to come back here, for sure!


Robert A Vollrath said...

Hahahahhh heh heh heh ho ho ho ha ha ha ha! That is so %#@*&%@ funny............... I'm sorry I just fell my chair! Ha HA HA HEH HEH hahahahahahah....... tears from laughter. The funniest thing I ever read on a blog!!! Hahahahhhh!!!!!